A little over a month ago, we opened our home to our very first foster placement. Overall, it’s been a really fun and exciting time for our family although we already had to call 911!
We met our girl, J, for the first time on a Friday afternoon with her social worker and our case worker from the Bair Foundation. We gathered around our dining room table getting to know each other and filling out paperwork. To celebrate our new beginning as a family we went out to one of our favorite Mexican places and stopped by Walmart to pick up a few things we would need right away.
Saturday, J and I went to a friend’s baby shower and then went back to the house for lunch as a family. We had a few more things we wanted to pick up so we loaded up in the car again and hit the road. This is where things started to go south. Jett mentioned feeling nauseous and once we got back to the house at 5pm he headed to the bathroom. J and I played with JJ, fed him dinner, gave him a bath and got him ready for bed. At 7pm, Jett was still hugging the porcelain throne. I had been texting him throughout night from across the house but was pretty busy with the kids. Once I got JJ down for the night I went to check on Jett. He had tried to get up to tuck JJ in and it ended up being a very bad idea. He had been sick for hours and finally told me to call the ambulance. When a Marine tells you to call the ambulance you don’t question it!
J didn’t seem too startled or phased by the 911 call which was reassuring. JJ even slept through the whole thing! J and I ended up hanging out the rest of the night watching a movie. Around midnight Jett came home. He had been discharged with a stomach bug. If we’re friends on Instagram, you may remember my story post from Friday morning about JJ being sick overnight. There was quite a mess to clean up in his crib and little dude had to have a bath. Once we fed him breakfast he seemed fine so off to daycare he went. Around 12:30 they called asking us to pick him up saying he’d been sick all morning. Apparently, there was a bug going around at daycare but JJ didn’t puke again once he got home and so we didn’t think anything about all the people who were about to be in our house in a few hours(We’ll get back to this.).
Anyway, back to Saturday night. Jett gets home at midnight and comes to bed. Not even twenty minutes later I hear something and see a light go on in the kids’ hallway. J is up sick. Poor girl got sick on her sheets, comforter, bed skirt, the floor and even the wall. So, here my 5-months pregnant self is vacuuming up chunks and pulling out our carpet cleaning machine at the crack of dawn while J tries to settle her stomach. Again, JJ slept like a baby!
Luckily, I didn’t get sick but we did get our Bair caseworker sick. Our first weekend as a family didn’t exactly go as planned but it was definitely one we won’t forget. To make up for our sick and lazy first weekend together, we went to the beach on Monday. Big hit! It was nice to sit back and relax with Jett while the kids played together. I have no idea what the future holds for our little family but J seems to really enjoy being a big sister to JJ. She also seems excited about the idea of a newborn, which is great since we’ll have one in a few months!
This past month has been a flurry of gathering important paperwork, getting J set up with school and other appointments but we’ve also managed to have fun. We’ve played board games, made her room her own, played putt putt, went to Hibachi, picked berries and even took a weekend trip to Norfolk! So far she has been interested in helping out with JJ and the animals- even around the house. One night we sat down during dinner and she told us some responsibilities she previously had. She also brainstormed a list of chores she could do to earn some extra money. Unfortunately for us, she was only interested in doing extra chores for money for about a week but it was nice while it lasted!
We have already had a few tough conversations with J. One morning she missed the school bus and instead of coming out to tell me, she sat quietly in her room until JJ walked in and discovered her. We also had to address some respect and attitude issues. Surprisingly, our big talk went pretty well. We started off by asking her if she feels respected by Jett and I, then we asked her to tell us specific ways we show her respect. I started asking her if she thinks she respects us when I stopped myself and point blank asked her if she respects us. She surprisingly acknowledged that sometimes she doesn’t treat us with respect. Again, we had her list ways she respects us and discovered she associated using manners with respect. We were able to let her know while it is polite to use manners, respect is a little different. We went on to have a larger conversation about respect but I think how we approached the situation gave her an example to explain her thinking and allowed us to broach the subject without immediately putting her on the defense. We’re still in the honeymoon phase and could be for quite some time, but we’re rolling with the punches and enjoying how smoothly things are going overall right now.
One of the big question marks for Jett and I as we planned to foster was whether our foster kiddo would be interested in church. We’re really involved in our church, we attend a bible study and serve weekly. We never anticipated pressuring anyone into our faith but intended to be clear with them about how important church is to us in hopes they would be open minded about it. J has mentioned that her father is spiritual and although she had no interest in adult church, she was open minded about going to kids church. She also has been helping read to JJ from the kids story bible he received at his recent baby dedication she was able to be part of. God definitely has a plan for us because her small group student-leader in church is actually JJ’s weekly babysitter when we go to bible study! The girls hit it off which resolved our other big question mark about fostering- how would the kids do with a babysitter?
The last big question for us was how would the new member of our family feel about the babies? We didn’t intend to have another baby quite so soon while simultaneously going through the foster process. However, we are so thankful for the family we have been blessed with and want the kids to feel the same way. We were expecting to take in a teen as those are the majority of kids placed through the Bair foundation, so we thought there were two ways they could react to our babies. They could either be jealous- babies require a lot of attention, or they could take on the “mother hen” role and be an involved big sibling. We’re lucky that J has chosen the latter so far. She is the youngest sibling in her family and has a young cousin, so she naturally felt a connection to JJ and then enjoys the opportunity to be the eldest. Although our family is a little chaotic now and will only get crazier in August when the baby is due, I think a young family who just starting out is a perfect opportunity for a foster kid to come in and be part of creating traditions and memories. We are building our family with J, not trying to fit her into an already established family and rhythm. I’m very hopeful about our future together.
This month has been an adventure and a blessing. I know we may have some hard days ahead but I have gone to sleep with a smile every night and can’t wait to wake up and make more memories with my family. Going from zero kids to three in only two years is nuts, but I know God has a plan for us.
