By Jen Heisel
At a homecoming brief recently, every spouse in attendance was asked to sum up the deployment for them in one word. I said this deployment had been empowering.
This deployment, my husband’s third and our second together, seemed like a never-ending challenge. Just a few months into the deployment, on a ship with minimal port calls, a Marine lost his life. The internet on the ship was spotty at best. The deployment itself was extended indefinitely(which ended up only being three weeks).
In spite of all of that, I felt like I grew more in the eight months than I had at any other point in my life. How?
I became involved in on-base activities. Specifically, I joined my base’s kickball league. The camaraderie of the team- it’s unit-based so most of our spouses were deployed together- and being on base twice a week for games and practices helped me feel connected to my husband. Additionally, I was forced to have a workout routine and be active. Sundays on base with my girls were definitely preferable to staying at home feeling sorry for myself.
Along this line, I became more active. I suffer from pretty severe anxiety and I recognized that my anxiety would only get worse if I was stagnant. So, I relished in movement. Some nights, my heart would start racing because I hadn’t heard from my husband in a while. When I’d feel that start, I’d turn on a workout video and get moving. Just that small rush of endorphins was enough to distract me and give me a sense of freedom from the anxiety.
I did my best to become comfortable being alone. I tended to keep myself as busy as humanly possible to stop myself from thinking about how lonely I was at home. In a city like San Diego, it’s not hard to do. But as the deployment wound down, I really focused on sitting with my feelings and enjoying my own company. One day, I went wine tasting solo and took myself out to lunch. I’d take long car rides and go on long walks. I’d spend time at the beach. Being alone can really stink, especially when you’re doing your best to distract yourself from how sad you are. But knowing it’s okay to be sad, and treating yourself and your feelings kindly is the best thing you can do. You’ll feel a lot of emotions through the course of a deployment. Let yourself feel them all, and know that they’re temporary.
In the thick of the deployment, when everything seemed so bleak and our reunion felt so far off, the best I could do some days was to wake up and just power through the day. And if that happens to you, that’s okay. All we can do is the best we can. If you’re in the thick of what seems like a never-ending deployment, take a deep breath and tell yourself, “I’ve got this,” because you do. Know this phase of your life won’t last forever and when you get through it, you’ll uncover strength you didn’t know you had.