Postpartum Body

Mamas, why is it so much harder to accept our postpartum bodies than our pregnancy bodies? Is it just me? I was fine with being round, fat, thick- heck, I even came to terms with having no ankles! Maybe it’s because my pregnancy body changed gradually. Maybe it’s because at least when I had a few extra pounds I could say it was the baby. But what’s my excuse now?

I’ve always been confident in my skin but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about what pregnancy would do to my body.

I’ve been the same size for most of my adult life. My weight has never really fluctuated- I actually still have a pair of pants from high school. I have a “fast metabolism” but I also make healthy eating choices and maintain an active lifestyle. I knew I would be in for quite a shock once the pregnancy weight started adding up. In the beginning, I felt like that was something I could handle, I wasn’t quite prepared for the swollen ankles or stretch marks.

Believe it or not, in my pregnancy body I still felt pretty confident. I had gained about 30ish pounds but I was carrying most of it in my stomach and thighs so I didn’t look huge. Being pregnant in the fall/winter was a huge bonus to my self-esteem because I wasn’t worried about cramming my big body into skimpy swimsuits or tiny shorts. I lived in leggings my entire pregnancy. I was in decent shape for a pregnant lady but I still woke up the day after JJ was born feeling deflated looking at my still-swollen ankles.

It took quite a few days for my ankles to return to their pre-pregnancy state. As obsessed as I was about my ankles though, it’s my stretch marks that really threw me through a loop. Before pregnancy I didn’t have many stretch marks. My sister has a few on her thighs and Jett has some on his back but somehow I grew up without accumulating many of those purpley-white tiger stripes.

I was stretch mark -free until I hit 38 weeks of pregnancy. I was coming out of the shower and Jett grazed my hip and told me to look in the mirror. I was more surprised than upset. I really thought I would make it through pregnancy without a single stretch mark. Week 39 hit and again Jett told me to look in the mirror, this time at my stomach. I really almost didn’t believe him, I couldn’t see the underside of my stomach that well and I thought he was pulling my leg but sure enough- there they were.

Now that my baby belly is (mostly) gone, it’s easier for me to see my stretch marks. They’re the first thing I see whenever I change or get in and out of the shower. My eyes are immediately drawn to them. Do I wish I didn’t have them? Of course. But I know that as much as I wish they weren’t there, there are women who wish so hard for them. I’m hoping I will grow used to them or that they will begin to face, maybe a little bit of both. Until then I’m just trying to give myself grace and remember that these stretch marks are a by-product of the best thing to ever happen to me.